Oh Canada

Just returned from a short stint in Vancouver. This trip was more enjoyable than my previous time spent in this fair city. Unseasonably hot weather beats cold winter days any day of the week as far as I'm concerned.

Since I was there for business, that was the focus. But luckily one of my meetings was with the CVB, and my lovely contact there gave me a complimentary attraction pass good for free admittance to select sights. Since it was my last meeting of the day, I reviewed my options, called Ops Guy, and advised him that I would be heading out to actually explore a bit more than walking a half-mile to find a restaurant (which at that point was the extent of our exploration, done the previous evening).

He was game, so off we went taking a sea bus and land bus to Grouse Mountain. What a truly unique and amazing experience! Visitors take a funicular up the mountain to the Peak Chalet and just tool about. Hikers abound, and the lush forests, steep inclines, and breathtaking views are unbeatable. The rangers also keep a grizzly bear habitat, where the animals are contained in their natural environment by fences. We scoured the area, walking in circles around the habitat hoping to catch a glimpse of a bear to no avail. I'm wondering if there really are bears there. Anyone can set up some fence and tack up "Don't Feed the Bears" signs. There was also supposed to be a wolf habitat, but we didn't even see directional signage for that. Oh well.

Despite not seeing the animals, which is one of the big items billed for this attraction, it was still a great experience. Great views and a wonderful get-back-to-nature excursion. They also have a lovely little treetop bistro that was fantastic. A lovely evening all around.

This trip really did provide me with a whole new appreciation for Vancouver.

Kiddie Pools for the Kid in All of Us

I am a sun goddess. There's nothing I enjoy more on a sunny weekend day than laying out and catching some rays. Rafferty enjoys this just as much as I do, which is why- way back when we rented that house- we had the brilliant idea to buy a kiddie pool. Not one of those tiny hard plastic jobs, but the big inflatable ones. The Family Swim Center. We had a nice little yard that got a good deal of sun and there were privacy fences on all sides. I'm sure we looked a little strange, two grown women each taking a corner and lounging, tray tables by our side containing beverages and pool snacks and our trashy magazines and novels. But what did we care? We not only got sun but kept cool at the same time.

We continued this tradition for many years, breaking only during those times when neither of us had a backyard. When she moved from her last apartment, she had two requirements for the new place: (1) Must allow dogs; (2) Must have backyard for the pool. She found just that 3 years ago, and she's not leaving anytime soon.

This year, due to my travels and hers, we were a little late in acquiring said Family Swim Center. The end of June has come upon us so quickly! Finally, for the first sunny, warm, free weekend for the both of us, we decided to run out and by Kiddie Pool 2006. The idea itself seemed pretty easy. Run into select store, purchase, go back and blow up (we invested in the automatic air pump specifically for pools and our annual activity; and, one of the best investments we've ever made, I dare say), hop in and start catching rays. Easier planned than executed.

Our first stop yesterday was Aldi. We had a lot of luck there last summer, so we thought we'd make that stop #1. No luck. Not a pool to be found.

Next up: K-Mart. This time, we had trouble finding the pool section. Nothing in the seasonal section and nothing near the life vests. Off we went to the customer service desk, where were assisted by a woman who looked like she had burnt Cheetos for bangs. When asked if she could direct us to the inflatable kiddie pools, she said, "I don't know where no pools are, do you?"

(A) No, I don't know where no pools are. That's why I'm asking you.
(B) Nice grammar. Go back to school.

This proved fruitless. Her supervisor directed us to the aisle and all we found were some noodles and the big industrial pools. I still think those might be more up our alley one day, but they require too much upkeep realistically.

Off we went to Target, next on our list. Can you believe that they're all out?!? Only the small round ones. A complete last resort for us.

The search continued with Wal-Mart. Nothing.

Menards. Nothing.

We kept driving and driving, thinking we may stumble upon a Toys 'R Us, the only other olption we might have. And then we saw another Target. We figured, what the heck. The Target in our town was all out of the ones we wanted, but maybe this one would have more of a selection.

And sure enough...there it was...the last one. I snatched it up and I swear I would've fought someone for it. It was on sale, which was a nice perk to acquiring it this late in the season, but I think Rafferty and I both learned a valuable lesson. I don't care if I have to pay extra to get this in April. Never, ever wait until the start of summer to get your kiddie pool.

To think, we wasted 2 hours on the Great Kiddie Pool hunt. Who knew it could ever be such an ordeal?

1 Hour, 15 Minutes Away

One of the very best things about moving a bit more north from my old neighborhood is being closer to the FTF.

"Exactly one hour and 15 minutes from door to door," he stated as he kissed me and waltzed through my front door -- earlier than I expected and looking as fantastic as always.

In the 6.5 years I've known him, this is the closest we've lived to each other. This will either prove to be very convenient or slightly frustrating. I'll split the difference and settle for something in the middle. But extraordinary visits less than a month apart is certainly something to be happy about.

I will freely admit- and have done so for years- that I love him. I am not, however, in love with him. Which is why our passionate, fun relationship had to end way back when. (Well, at least one of the two reasons)

See, when we first met, we hit it off instantly. Sparks flew. It was like something out of the movies. We couldn't get enough of each other and saw each other whenever we could. He traveled to Chicago for business fairly regularly back then, and our weekends were spent together. We adored each other. And neither of us trusted the other. (Reason #2 for having our dating period end)

As Dad would sayd, "You're burning the candles at both ends." Perhaps, but it was worth it.

Our relationship wasn't exclusive. I was seeing a few other people, and I know he was seeing someone as well. We weren't jealous; we were just thrilled to be with each other whenever we could. And then there came that point where we looked at each other and I just knew. We are not meant to end up together. Not like that.

I ended things, much to his chagrin. I think deep down he thought we could prolong things and maybe he could win me over completely. When you know, you know. I knew then that I loved him. I also knew he loved me. That means a lot, but it's not enough. I know him. I know what he needs, and I am not that girl. I am the girl he craves and that he looks forward to seeing and that he dreams about. I am not the girl to set up house with him. I am not the girl to long for him to marry me and have him stave off that juncture in life with excuses. That can be some other girl. I knew then just as I know now: That girl is not me.

But through our few months together, we developed a strong and wonderful friendship, which persists to this day. In addition, we still had that passion; the spark that has never left.

6.5 years later, here we are. Still together. This is the relationship that works for us. It is so wonderful to hunger for someone and have them share that same feeling. It is so wonderful to have something that works so well for us. It is unconventional yet a perfect fit for the both of us.

Select friends of mine have downgraded what he and have to just what I refer to him as: my FTF. But he is so much more than that, and the intricacies of this relationship cannot possibly be explained to someone who has never been involved in anything like this. I label him because it makes it easy to explain, but not so easy for others to understand. What we have is something no one can understand. I don't think he and I even fully get it. We just know that it is perfect and wonderful and we will enjoy this for as long as we can and adapt as need be. Because we did not start out as this and it's clear that as time moves on and circumstances change, we must adapt again. I am fairly certain, though, that we will always be in each others lives in some important way for a long, long time.

Which brings us back to being exactly 1 hour and 15 minutes away from each other. As he departed to head home and kissed me good-bye, he whispered: "Exactly one hour and 15 minutes away and just as perfect as when we met years ago."

I am lucky. He is even luckier.

Welcome Back, Summer

Today is the official start to summer. After a steamy weekend that just screamed "Death Heat Arrives" (and I adore it), things cooled down and now we're muggy and overcast. The first day of summer and this is it? What a let-down. It better not be a sign of things to come.

It was pissing down from the sky this morning -- enough that I needed an umbrella. It didn't even hold together until I made it to the office. It's currently residing in a garbage can at Wacker and Adams, inside-out and beyond repair. Fingers crossed the sun decides to come out or at the very least the rain goes away because I don't much fancy the thought of a walk to the train station in rain. Ick.

The book club that has been on hiatus for 1+ year is reuniting tonight, sans several original members. Because I have the new home, it's being held at my lovely abode. I went out last night to purchase wine (a must) and several yummy nibbles...to the tune of $109 and some change! Sure, there were personal sundries included as well- toothpaste, mouthwash, cotton balls, astringent- as well as some nessities I was lacking- bread crumbs, eggs- but for the most part everything was for this evening. Since when did food get so expensive? Toothpicks cost me nearly $2! Nearly $2! For baby wood sticks! Unbelievable. It's true my cabinets are never bursting at the seams and my fridge is semi-bare on a good day. I suppose I forgot why...and here is an excellent reminder.

Randomness, Part Deux

Is it downright criminal to spend the majority of one whole day- bright and sunny and hot yet breezy- nesting in one's new condo? Looking back, I'm feeling bad that it describes exactly what I did yesterday. Watched a bad movie (John Cusack, why did you ever make "The Ice Harvest?"), read, and general lazed about with a pot of coffee.

My Bridgeport friend has the most fantastic gatherings. Always fun, home-y, welcoming. Filled with divine food and drink. Guaranteed good times and laughs galore. Now that summer is in full swing, I fully expect even more regular gatherings, using her fabulous deck, of course.

This is shaping up to be another lazy day.

This morning's wake-up call came in the form of the White House Neighbors screaming at each other. Not in this domestic disturbance sort of way, but rather Man screaming to Woman and Older Man from his perch on the porch as they headed to the car on the driveway. Rather than have one meet the other to discuss in normal tones of voice, they continued the exchange at their respective locations for a good 10 minutes. Lovely.

The pot of coffee is on. I have just heard from Fabulous NY Lawyer Extraordinaire (aka The S in SYN) as well as Youngest Brother and am trying to get up the gumption to get my day really started with shopping and other errand-running.

Happy Father's Day to all Dad's out there.

Maybe if I'm lucky, Diva Niece will be at her Grandpa's today and we can have a little play date.

Randomness

Awful past few days in the office. Had my ass reamed for several no good reasons. Functional alcoholics do not make things better. Thank God it's the weekend.

The tire repair was more short-lived than I thought. It was looking semi-squishy again two nights ago. Raced home from work last night because I just knew it would be flat. I was right. On went the flashers and I coasted on over to Just Tires. Rugged-cute man assisted me. Turns out it was all their fault for not noticing the other leaks in the tire. Had to buy a new one because the one in my trunk is apparently not the same size as the other three (it's from another car, same model, but I suppose this is all entirely possible because I bought the car used and who knows what the previous owner did when it came to general maintenance). He was able to help me out and discounted it due to the fact that I paid for the repair-that-wasn't last Sunday. So a new tire is in place, I have learned that now all four are the wrong size for the vehicle but will do anyway, I wasn't sold anything I didn't need, and hopefully, hopefully, hopefully all is now well.

Drinks with Cheryl and Rafferty last night. So good to see Cheryl doing so well. She is loving her sales job at Marriott and is moving her way up. Fingers crossed she gets the promotion that she so justly deserves.

Woke up to what sounded like a truck barreling into the building this morning. No one deserves to be awakened to that after a night of tasty libations. Noticed that the power must've gone out sometime between 2:30 am and 9:20 am. Spent the first part of my morning re-setting clocks once the grogginess disappeared and I realized my eyes weren't playing tricks on me and things really were blinking. No one deserves confusion after a night of libations.

Saw the man who lives in the scary white house. He has definitely watched me dress and undress.

Girls Night In party in Bridgeport tonight. Spanish-Mexican theme. I am so looking forward to some good sangria.

What to get Dad for Father's Day? The man wants for nothing and is never pleased with anything. He is by far the hardest person to buy for. Mom says pajamas. I say not-so-original. Nothing like last minute pressure shopping.

Upcoming: Pride Parade next weekend. Have made a semi-promise to my GBF that I will meet up for copious Long Island's and scantily clad hot men with him, his gay brother, and an assortment of his friends coming in for the weekend. Though I am not much for parades, I am all for one of the biggest parties in Chicago. And I am all for scantily clad hot men. Even though they're more interested in GBF than me. A girl can look.

My Place Isn't a Hotel, but It Can Act Like One

One of the bonuses of the new pad is I am right by great friend Rafferty. In a car, it takes me less than 5 minutes to careen down the twisty streets to her apartment (and I assume vice-versa for her).

Rafferty lost her hot water Sunday. Just up and gone. When I swung by to grab her for our pedi that afternoon, she told me the horrors of bathing in ice cold water. Sounds terrible.

Because she has a set of keys to the condo (for mail collection during my travels and other conveniences), she told me she may have to come by and shower/change for work in the morning. Naturally, I didn't think anything of it. We used to rent a house together and we share well. I would do it for anyone in need, but especially a good friend like her. Plus, I'm out of the house 2 hours before she comes by, and my place is closer to her office than she is. Makes sense.

Naturally, I forgot about this lack-of-hot-water situation until I was halfway to work yesterday. I figured she could find the towel on her own. She did, and also helped herself to the shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, anti-frizz ointment, and perfume.

No hot water again today. One of my towels (which is now "hers") is hanging on the towel rack. She came over again this morning and did her routine and included enjoying a glass of soda. Her landlord is vacationing in Florida. One of his sons is coming over to inspect the situation tonight. She isn't very optimistic that the situation will be resolved before the end of the week. I fully expect to be offering my bathroom to her the rest of the week.

She's joked that she will eventually move in without me knowing...and the funny thing is, I could actually picture it. Seeing as our schedules are so opposite, how long would it take me to notice?

I have tried to convince her that she should come over a few hours early, make me breakfast and then when I leave she can begin her routine. Rafferty hates getting up early and getting to work on time, so I've been assured that will not happen.

Perhaps I should start leaving a little receptacle for her to deposit a nominal fee for the use of my hot water and sundries laying about. I wonder how much I could make. I wonder if I should start offering my bathroom to other people in need as well and really charging them. This could be an interesting and unconventional money-making scheme.

Hmmmm...

Boycotting BP

I have yet to write my complaint letter to BP. The boycott is still on, though. They just don't know it yet.

So imagine my surprise when I came across this article. Seems Jesse Jackson and I have something in common (who knew!). Unfortunately, I'm boycotting because of the poor help and general rudeness of their employees, and he's boycotting because of the general lack of minorities in franchise and clerk positions. Which I find awfully hard to believe.

I can't quibble, though. Everyone knows I think JJ is a crazy man (albeit a passionate one). However, it's convenient he's calling for a boycott of the same place that I am boycotting. I'm not hopping on his bandwagon, and he's not hopping on mine, but the end result has the same effect.

Restored Faith in Humanity

As intended, I was up early and at the Just Tires by my house at 9 on the dot. I was the second person they helped, after the Caddy tire rotation project for the mobster from Rosemont.

Pleasant staff. Only a 30 minute wait. Only $27 to get the gunk out, the tire patched up, the rim cleaned, and have everything returned to me in good operating order.

This is all I wanted.

And it's still early, my day is not ruined in the least, and I am using my stove for the first time (boiling water (with eggs in it), as predicted).

The Good. The Bad. The Ugly.

You can't beat a day that starts out by meeting this man.



Anderson Cooper. Fabulous! Went to his book signing this morning. Totally worth the 45-minute wait. He's more dashing in person than on TV (is that possible?!?), and was extraordinarily gracious, humble, and very sweet.

Continued on to see Diva Niece, who was absolutely a riot. She tried comprehending the basics of bubbles today, which didn't work out so well. She kept trying to catch and/or pick them up and was very puzzled that they kept "disappearing." Ah, to be in her head for just a few minutes. She is also very in love with herself (and rightly so). Mom has pictures of her grand-daughter on the fridge, and she points to the fridge and then to herself and laughs and wants to kiss them. Grandma thinks she just thinks it's any old baby, but Diva Niece is very smart and I am convinced by her actions and reactions that she is very aware that the pictures are of her and is very pleased with how adorable she is. A true diva indeed.

The day went from very pleasant to not so good when it came time to shop for some must-have tops to match my new cute summer skirts. No luck at all until hours of frustration led me to some "I guess they'll do for now" articles of clothing that will work until I find just the thing. Which with my luck will be in exactly three years.

My mood was easily salvaged, though. I figure my other purchases (new pillow, pillowcases, a cute pair of shorts, and my favorite perfume) plus my stellar morning made for an all-around great day nonetheless.

That is until I got home and assessed my semi-squishy tire. The same one I have been "keeping an eye on" for the past week. The one that I keep telling myself, "You should really put some air in there. It looks a little low." Followed by: "Damn, I hope it's not another 'slow leak.'" I have a lot of those. Tires and I have a long and storied history of issues that usually end with me dropping buttloads of cash to fix the situation.

An hour later, I went out to pick up dinner and then swing by Rafferty's for a movie when I decided to go to the gas station. No more procrastinating. But it was too late. As I inserted my coins into the air pump, my heart sank. There was just no way this was going to work. Somehow, in a one hour period of time, my tire went from semi-squishy to completely flat. Not a drop of air was going in -- and if it was going in, it certainly wasn't staying there.

The gas station I was at didn't have a service station, but the BP across the way did. I coasted my car over there...thump-thump-thumping along... and was told by the less-than-helpful attendant who was more concerned with his cell phone call than me that the service part of the station closed at 2. Hmmm...Ok. So I took a deep breath and entered into the following exchange:

Me: "Is there anyone here who can help me change my tire. I don't have a jack."

(Let's not get into why. The point is, I don't.)

Clerk: "Like I said, the guys left at 2."

Me: "What about you? Can you help me?"

Clerk: [Looking at his cell phone and me and his cell phone...and then frustration] "Look, I don't know what to tell you. Go to Lee Auto Parts. Maybe they can help."

Me: "Where is Lee Auto Parts?"

Clerk then points off to his right and waves his hand around.

Me: "I don't think you understand. My tire is flat. It's bad. I can't even really drive on it. I can coast. But that's not getting me far. Where is this place?"

Clerk: "It's right there!" (He's mad now) "Across the way. They'll help you."

And then...He turned. His back. On me.

Oh no he didn't, I thought. But yes, he just did.

I huffed out of there, got into the car, coasted as quickly as I could across the street (narrowly missing getting struck by another car) only to find that Lee Auto Parts also keeps odd weekend hours. What kind of town am I living in where everything service-oriented closes early on a Saturday!?!

As I'm getting back in the car, a woman who was just trying to be nice pulled up beside me and said, "You know your tire is flat, right?" I know she was just trying to be nice, but it took everything I had not to bite her head off.

My options were pretty slim, so I coasted back across the street to the stupid BP, went back in to the clerk who was still on his cell phone, and continued my unproductive conversation with him.

Me: "Ok, so Lee Auto Parts is closed. You work at a service station. I need your service."

Clerk: "I already told you-"

Me: "Yes, I know. Everyone left at 2. Let's have a new plan. Can I just leave my car here overnight? I can't drive it."

Clerk: [Skeptically] "Really? Because you just went across the street with it..."

Me: "Yeah, and almost got hit by a car. It can go, like, 5 miles an hour. It coasts. You're not supposed to even drive on a flat tire. It's going to ruin something, I'm sure, and at this point I don't even want to deal with whatever accident I might get into because of this suggestion. So please- can I just leave my car here overnight and someone can get to it in the morning?"

Clerk: "Our service department isn't open on Sundays."

Me: [Very exasperated sigh and audible groan] "Great. Ok, then do you have any canned fix-it stuff?"

(As an aside, I know that's not the technical name. I still don't know what it's really called. But you'd think the clerk, working in a gas station of all places, would know what I'm talking about.)

Clerk: [Quizzical look] "Ummm...if we do, it'd be there." [Points to small display of windshield wiper fluid and air fresheners.]

Me: "Fine. I'll look for it myself."

Naturally, I wasn't finding it. The clerk knew this.

Me: "I'm sorry, if you think you sell the fix-a-flat in a can stuff, can you please come show me? I don't think that's too much to ask."

He came over, still talking on the cell phone, and that's when I lost it.

Me: "I'm sorry, do you think you could please put the cell phone down? Unless that's your manager or a true emergency, I don't think it's more important than the customer. That's me. Please. Put down. The phone. NOW."

He did, which surprised me. But then again, I'm sure I looked more irate than I felt. And I was definitely creating a minor scene. He shuffled about, found me the last dusty can of fix-it crap and then had the nerve to ask if I'd like to purchase it. Obvious signs that he was not paying attention to my previous comments.

I bought the stuff. $4.55. It was worth it. I got to the car, followed the directions, and it worked. Relief.

Of course, as I'm filling my tire with whatever crap the fix-it stuff consists of, there were three- count 'em, three- "gentlemen" just standing there, filling their tanks, watching me. Not one offered any assistance. Not that I require assistance to put the fix-it crap into the tire. But it made me think, do they have an ounce of "whoa, should I ask if I could help" chivalry in them?!?

So that's how my day ended. Sure, there was my by-now-cold dinner and the movie and good catching up time with Rafferty, but it still ruined my day. I have to keep remembering the first part to remind me it was a full one and all was not lost -- and I met Anderson Cooper.

Now I need to set the alarm to make it to the tire place I found that is close to me and open at 9. I intend to be the first person in there. I'll bring a book. Hell, I'll bring two books. I don't care how long it takes, so long as I'm done in time for my pedi come afternoon.

Day Drinking

There is nothing like getting a half-day at the start of summer.

There is nothing like having co-workers who enjoy day-drinking as much as I do.

There is nothing like having AV Boy Wonder in town to tag along before his flight home.

There is nothing like a burger and Bloody Mary's (who knew they go so well?) while watching soccer.

There is nothing like $3 vodka drinks at Poag Mahones.

I'm Just A Girl is coming by the new pad and then we're dining tonight. Can't wait! We haven't seen each other in a good two years.

A good day all around.

The Un-Domestic Goddess

Six weeks into being in the new pad and I have yet to use the stove or oven. Because Mom laughed her ass off about this, I think boiling some water is in order.

Don't Ask. Don't Touch. Don't Care.

Tonight I went to dinner with two childhood friends. We used to be quite the little gang and as close as close can be. As time moved on and we went our separate ways, we saw each other less and less but still kept in touch and saw each other whenever our schedule would permit.

Much has happened in the last 4 years. Both have little girls (1 and 2, respectively). One is married and the other will be married this August. Despite these life-changing events, I truly believe you are who are to the core. Is it possible one proved me wrong today? And if so, how is it possible that change can be made so deeply on an innately, seemingly unchangeable level?

The three of us decided to get together tonight because it was the only day in the past month and upcoming month that was good for the both of us. We agreed to meet at the new pad and that it would be just us girls. Then M(1) said, "Well, I think I need to bring my daughter." Ok. M(2) then said if M(1) was bringing said daughter, then she would bring hers. Ok.

So, it was supposed to be 5 girls until M(1) said, "Hey, MoC, is it Ok if I bring my husband?" I wanted to scream and yell about what part of "just the girls" did she not understand, but decided to take the higher road and advise that her husband would be the only man and probably wouldn't enjoy himself and it was not entirely advisable to do so. Especially since M(2) doesn't like him. M(1) agreed and we were on for tonight.

Until M(1) called a half-hour before she was supposed to come over and told me that her husband was indeed coming with -- "in case Daughter acts up, in which case he can take her home." Lame, lame, lame. And infuriating. I like kids. I like their kids. But if you have someone to watch them- like a husband- why not treat yourself to a few hours away from them?

M(2) arrived first with the daughter that got into everything. Good thing I don't have much that I care a lot about. When I shared the news about M(1)'s husband, M(2) almost left. Begging and pleading ensued (and I am not one to beg and plead). As we waited for M(1) and her man and girl to arrive, M(2)'s daughter managed to pull the wicks off of 3 candles and break a remote control.

M(1) and family finally arrived. Quick tour and then we stood about while both kids ran around looking for toys. I don't have any that a child would enjoy -- and was half nervous that the 2-year-old would find the adult variety as she rifled through drawers. Before any of that could happen, she decided to break the other remote control, throw some hand weights around (strong kid), and tip over some candles and bang them around (luckily, they weren't lit).

Bear in mind, no one was stopping their children from doing any of this. As the 2-year-old went to go throw the bathroom scale into the wall, I stopped it all by announcing it was time to eat. Off we traipsed to the restaurant down the road, all the while having M(1) and husband discuss just what daughter would enjoy. Sour cream. She likes sour cream. Oh good. They have that there.

After being seated, M(1)'s girl proceeded to throw food about, get cranky, cry, and just act like a normal 2-year-old who was up past her bedtime. M(2)'s kid was occupied by a quesadilla the entire time.

Wasn't the reason Husband came was to take cranky daughter home if she acted up? Yeah, that didn't happen.

Conversation was impossible. No one cared about what anyone was saying. Everyone was supposed to ooh and aaah over the eating of sour cream by the 2-year-old.

The time to leave couldn't come soon enough. I kept wondering just why they would make plans to come out if they knew they couldn't handle it or it wouldn't be enjoyable. I kept wondering why I'm the only one that sees this. I still don't get it.

By the time they all left, I literally breathed a sigh of relief, opened a bottle of wine, and lit a cig. I need it. Not because I can't handle kids. (I can) But because I have never been through such an uncomfortable situation. Not with friends I have had for 26 years.

I have so little desire to get together any time soon. I just know the next time will be exactly the same way. I can't imagine how one person (in this case, M(1)) can make their husband and child a part of their life every waking minute of every waking day.

I'd like to think the atmosphere was all wrong. Or the day or time. But it would've been like this if everything else had been ideal. It's her. It's them.

I'm so done. I say that and I mean it but I know I will give it another shot. And it will continue to get worse and I will continue to feel awful. Especially when I am lectured that having a child changes everything and my reply is that it doesn't have to be a 180 degree difference. And I am laughed at. And I know I am right, and I don't even care how that's accepted. Because the bottom line is I'm more upset that someone let themselves change- or changed themselves purposely- to be the "perfect" wife; the "perfect" mom. And the only thing perfect is the lie she is telling herself.

Yup, I'm done.

Time Management Doesn't Always Pay Off

I'm the type of worker bee that has a list of tasks and methodically sets about completing them. I'm pretty flexible and can roll with the punches. Did I mention I'm a killer multi-tasker?

All of this does not bode well for those slow days in the office when all major projects are underway and the little ones can wait for later in the week. I am one of four people currently in the office. The other three left within the last hour. Theere's no sense in me going anywhere since I need to be at The Club for a business dinner in an hour.

The rest of the week will be pretty similar. I've allocated a big project a day so I can be productive and the hours can go quickly. I wasn't so lucky today and have an hour to get through.

Time to read the online gossip rags.

Stephen Colbert Address

How cool would it be if Stephen Colbert gave your college commencement address?

Apparent Exhibitionism

I live on the third floor, end unit. I face the parking lot. I've had better views.

I also face a big white house. Many people occupy the residence. Someone is always home.

Because these people are quiet and tend to keep to themselves, I forget that if you can see them, they can see you.

I wanted to share that tidbit with my old landlord, who I watched screwing his wife on his living room floor from my den several summers ago. I never did, but I also never caught them doing anything like that again. It sort of scarred me anyway.

When I first moved a month ago, I attempted modesty by drawing my blinds whenever I dressed or undressed. Then I just said screw it. Too much work to remember...and when I did it was in some state of undress anyway. Too late.

I'm not an overly modest person. I never saw the sense in it. I never really thought about anyone peeping from their window into mine. It happened once when I was about 13 with the neighbor boy. I figured I was educating him, if nothing else. Since then, I've never caught anyone looking, and if someone is then I hope they're enjoying what they're seeing.

I have a feeling the white house people have watched me. I don't really care as long as they keep their distance and don't grab a camera.

Select friends, who are more modest than I am, think my exhibitionist side enjoys the thrill. Is it that, or just my laziness in opening and closing blinds for a few seconds? And really, does it matter?

My Major Prize

I won a major award. It's not a be-stockinged leg lamp and it did not come in a box marked FRAGILE (Italian pronunciation, please). I love it nonetheless: NetFlix for a year and a subscription to Entertainment Weekly. Seeing as I rarely win anything, I was thrilled when the news arrived.

I have little time to read these days. I'm plowing through two books, both of which I love so far. One is pure guilty pleasure (I love all things John Irving) and the other is for my summer book club (which is also an excuse to drink -- as if I need one). Hence, the fact that my first two issues of EW are sitting about along with two back issues of People I will get around to as well. All- books and mags- are excellent for train reading. Same with gym time. Another thing I have zero time for these days. Time to reconfigure my routine.

The magazines can wait. They're always easy to flip through and fast and fun. The NetFlix part of the major award is just fun and fantastic and arrived the most ideal time ever -- when bad reruns are abundant on just about every channel. I set up my queue and am thrilled with the over all ease of use. I am disappointed, though, with the first movie that arrived, which is entirely my fault.

Whoever raved on end about "North Country," whatever critics enjoyed this flick...are you insane? I will never get those 2 hours of my life back. What a waste. Similar movies have been done better by both Sally Fields and Cher. Did Charlize really think this was a wise move? Ugh. Apparently, someone can also ask me if I thought it was a wise move to watch it. The answer is no.

I can only hope that my taste in selection improves. This NetFlix thing is not off to a good start. I'm still thrilled with the major award, though. Things can only get better...I think.

If Only You Were as Good as Him (and other musings)

Friday night's intoxicating libations were first consumed at Cactus, right near work, within stumbling distance to the parking garage where my car was living for the day, and home to hot traders.

Good things: ogling hot men with my favorite gay man by my side; cheap drinks (and a lot of them); saying good-bye to Former Sales Guy (and his sniffles).

Bad things: Enjoying myself so much I lost track of time and was late for the birthday party I had to visit.

Didn't want to leave. Was having too much fun with MFGM. Honestly, if only I could find a version of him who would enjoy me more than him, I would be set. My new take on meeting men- especially in MFGM's company- is, "If only you were half the person MFGM is." Naturally, I think it and do not verbalize because Interested Man would think I need countless therapy sessions. Bottom line: It's very possible my prospects are either getting worse or what I want has reached an all-new unattainable level.

Birthday party was at the same old joint. Dear Ex-Beau's friends made sure to chat me up. When his friends are outwardly more engaging with me than he is (while he stares and sulks in the corner, taking all of it in), he should reflect on his inept social skills. It did provide some entertainment for me, so it's a double-edged sword. Lose the entertainment in order to have sane, normal-person type public encounters, or keep things the way they are and wonder if he will ever act like a sane individual? His problem is he overthinks everything. Meeting up with people from his hardly-sordid past play out like a movie in his head. I know it does. If only he were half the man my favorite gay man is...then he'd know how to handle situations with grace, humor, and some cunning wit.

My quarantine is over. I ended it on my own. I wasn't about to wait around for my insane brother to get grounded in reality. The likelihood of that happening any time soon was not there. Diva Niece is fantastic. Almost walking, the energy level of a small kangaroo, and cute as cute can be. She has the most adorable little voice, and a laugh that will eventually mimic mine, if I am hearing correctly. Lucky girl. We lunched together, and we Mmmm'd over our food. She is a ham.

When you have nothing to say to a friend and you're bored by their conversation and you really need to force yourself to spend time with them- even when beer is available- does that mean that you should end things?

There is a festival by my house this weekend. I went to sleep last night to strains of old 80's tunes. It reminded me of when I lived in the city and on summer nights we would open the windows and hear the hubbub from the sidewalk below: music, laughter, conversation, arguments and threats. The festival sounds made me smile; so did the memories -- although not the arguments and threats part. I thought about walking by there this evening, just for the helluva it. Maybe they have cotton candy. Or just cheap beer. I wonder what sort of people are going to this festival. After all, I'm not in the city so the culture could be very different.

I need to do more on my own. I have never been to a movie by myself. I always envisioned this social stigma. I sit at the movies and worry about the people sitting by themselves. I come up with this whole story for why they are alone at the movies. Usually, they are friendless for some horrible reason. I always want to invite these people to sit with me and my friends. I want to fix whatever social woes they may have. I never do speak to any of them, but I always think about. I need to do it: pay for a movie and sit alone and enjoy. It's a hurdle I have never tackled.

Would this be like going to a fest on your own? Which is worse? I think the fest. But it's here in my 'burb, so what do I care?

FTF is coming to see me tonight. He wants to see the new pad, meaning he really just misses me and wants to see me in my new pad. I'm not complaining. Our schedules have been awful this year and we have had to jump through hoops to get them to mesh. I always look forward to our time together. He is one who I pushed away and I always wonder why I did that and if I made the right decision. What we have is fantastic for us, but I always think, "This was perfect and I screwed it up; I made him leave." But when you don't trust someone, and you know they are not fully trustworthy on a committed relationship level and you sense that and then know it for certain after your decision was made, then things worked out perfectly. I know this, and know that what we have now is weird yet deeper than what either of us admits on a daily basis but succumb to when we see each other. If we're still together in 20 years, he better set up this mistress in the best way possible.

Stephen is adamant that he is coming to Paris with me in October. It will be a blast, but I refuse to believe it until his ticket is bought.

The Downside of Condo Living and Other Tales

In the month and some-odd days since I have moved into the new abode, I have racked up a number of pros on the proverbial internal running pro/con list of my new dwelling.

Can do mass amounts of laundry all at once and therefore get major domestic must-do task accomplished in under 2 hours.

No yardwork. No worms. No garden snakes.

No water or gas bill. Minimal association fees cover it all with savings for me.

Elevator elevator elevator (for those lazy days).

Light cleaning = more time for me and my other, more important activities. Like drinking and catching up on bad TV.

I'm sure there are more. But these all seem like big plusses.

When I first saw the place, I thought the biggest added bonus to the joint was the garbage chute on each floor. How cool is that? Just walk halfway down the hall, open the door, open the chute, and down the garbage goes. Convenient, and perfect for me, who really hates making trips to smelly dumpsters.

The cool feature turned into my first con to the new living quarters.

Last night I waltzed down the hall to aforementioned garbage chute, opened chute door, and tossed in the bag only to find that the light little bag of refuse went nowhere. Just sat.

Hmmm, I thought. How strange that the little bag isn't going down the little slide. I looked beyond my bag and saw piles of additional bags in there.

Yes, the chute is clogged. With exactly what or even why, I don't even care to know. The bottom line is it's broken...clogged...not working. First, I got pissy. Not because it was unable to accept my bag but because I had to walk down to the Dumpster and throw it out on my own. Yes, call me lazy, but at 10pm, I had little desire to go the scary, smelly garbage room.

This morning I called the management company. It was early and I figured that when Jody, Tom, and the other staffers got in, they'd hear my cheery voice and take heed to my detailed message. I checked the garbage chute room on my way to my door this evening. Now garbage is just piling up. Yuck yuck YUCK. Obviously, my fellow dwellers are unable to make the trip to the garbage room like I did. But even mopre bothersome is that it's not yet fixed. Is this not considered an emergency?

I can envision bags of rotting trash stuck in the chute. I envision this turning into a really disgusting situation. This is also turning very quickly into a breeding ground for pests. Did I mention I detest the very thought?

Jody, Tom, and the other staffers at the management company are going to get really sick of hearing from me if this isn't fixed soon. And I'm going to get really angry about having a garbage chute that doesn't work properly. What a day-ruiner.

In other, strange news...I had the unfortunate opportunity to sit in front of a girl who was hitting on her co-worker on the train home this evening. She talked a mile a minute and it was so obvious that she adored him. I felt bad for her because her seat-mate wanted so little to do with her, I picked up on it immediately. Being the good Brit that he was, he was too polite to tell her to bugger off apparently. But I caught his frowns, grimaces, and over all exasperated looks in the the reflection in the window. Poor girl. Listen more and open up that perceptive center in your mind and you'd catch all the clues he was giving you.

Perhaps I could dole out therapy for a minimal charge on the train ride. It's just long enough that I could do a little good for humankind, one train ride at a time.

Ch-Ch-Changes

Oddest comment of my day:

"You are the only person I know who embraces change."

This...directed at me.

It's true I don't face change kicking and screaming, but I don't think I give it that come-hither look with open arms.

So I had to ponder as I fought the human traffic jam that is my walk to the train station: Do I really "embrace" change? After considerable internal recollection of past events, I suppose the answer is more yes than no. However, do I wholeheartedly welcome it? That's an entirely different beast. After all, who wishes for regular change? I like things the way they are, just like most other people. Though, as I told the giver of what was meant to be a compliment, you can't do anything to stop things changing so you might as well look positively upon it.

This...followed by the thought: I must really be duping people into thinking I am an eternally sunshiny, loves-everyone tree-hugger. Ha!