Don't Ask. Don't Touch. Don't Care.

Tonight I went to dinner with two childhood friends. We used to be quite the little gang and as close as close can be. As time moved on and we went our separate ways, we saw each other less and less but still kept in touch and saw each other whenever our schedule would permit.

Much has happened in the last 4 years. Both have little girls (1 and 2, respectively). One is married and the other will be married this August. Despite these life-changing events, I truly believe you are who are to the core. Is it possible one proved me wrong today? And if so, how is it possible that change can be made so deeply on an innately, seemingly unchangeable level?

The three of us decided to get together tonight because it was the only day in the past month and upcoming month that was good for the both of us. We agreed to meet at the new pad and that it would be just us girls. Then M(1) said, "Well, I think I need to bring my daughter." Ok. M(2) then said if M(1) was bringing said daughter, then she would bring hers. Ok.

So, it was supposed to be 5 girls until M(1) said, "Hey, MoC, is it Ok if I bring my husband?" I wanted to scream and yell about what part of "just the girls" did she not understand, but decided to take the higher road and advise that her husband would be the only man and probably wouldn't enjoy himself and it was not entirely advisable to do so. Especially since M(2) doesn't like him. M(1) agreed and we were on for tonight.

Until M(1) called a half-hour before she was supposed to come over and told me that her husband was indeed coming with -- "in case Daughter acts up, in which case he can take her home." Lame, lame, lame. And infuriating. I like kids. I like their kids. But if you have someone to watch them- like a husband- why not treat yourself to a few hours away from them?

M(2) arrived first with the daughter that got into everything. Good thing I don't have much that I care a lot about. When I shared the news about M(1)'s husband, M(2) almost left. Begging and pleading ensued (and I am not one to beg and plead). As we waited for M(1) and her man and girl to arrive, M(2)'s daughter managed to pull the wicks off of 3 candles and break a remote control.

M(1) and family finally arrived. Quick tour and then we stood about while both kids ran around looking for toys. I don't have any that a child would enjoy -- and was half nervous that the 2-year-old would find the adult variety as she rifled through drawers. Before any of that could happen, she decided to break the other remote control, throw some hand weights around (strong kid), and tip over some candles and bang them around (luckily, they weren't lit).

Bear in mind, no one was stopping their children from doing any of this. As the 2-year-old went to go throw the bathroom scale into the wall, I stopped it all by announcing it was time to eat. Off we traipsed to the restaurant down the road, all the while having M(1) and husband discuss just what daughter would enjoy. Sour cream. She likes sour cream. Oh good. They have that there.

After being seated, M(1)'s girl proceeded to throw food about, get cranky, cry, and just act like a normal 2-year-old who was up past her bedtime. M(2)'s kid was occupied by a quesadilla the entire time.

Wasn't the reason Husband came was to take cranky daughter home if she acted up? Yeah, that didn't happen.

Conversation was impossible. No one cared about what anyone was saying. Everyone was supposed to ooh and aaah over the eating of sour cream by the 2-year-old.

The time to leave couldn't come soon enough. I kept wondering just why they would make plans to come out if they knew they couldn't handle it or it wouldn't be enjoyable. I kept wondering why I'm the only one that sees this. I still don't get it.

By the time they all left, I literally breathed a sigh of relief, opened a bottle of wine, and lit a cig. I need it. Not because I can't handle kids. (I can) But because I have never been through such an uncomfortable situation. Not with friends I have had for 26 years.

I have so little desire to get together any time soon. I just know the next time will be exactly the same way. I can't imagine how one person (in this case, M(1)) can make their husband and child a part of their life every waking minute of every waking day.

I'd like to think the atmosphere was all wrong. Or the day or time. But it would've been like this if everything else had been ideal. It's her. It's them.

I'm so done. I say that and I mean it but I know I will give it another shot. And it will continue to get worse and I will continue to feel awful. Especially when I am lectured that having a child changes everything and my reply is that it doesn't have to be a 180 degree difference. And I am laughed at. And I know I am right, and I don't even care how that's accepted. Because the bottom line is I'm more upset that someone let themselves change- or changed themselves purposely- to be the "perfect" wife; the "perfect" mom. And the only thing perfect is the lie she is telling herself.

Yup, I'm done.