The Complexities of a "Post-Relationship" Relationship
DXB is just that for a reason. Four years ago our not so short union ended. It wasn't a nasty or emotional split. It was rather mutual in nature and, having been friends for many, many years before dating, we reverted back into a seemingly normal, only slightly odd friendship.
Right. For the first two months of singledom from each other. Until his rebound relationship insisted he choose a friendship with me or dating her. To his credit, he thought on it. He even presented the issue to me; laid it out there complete with pros and cons. The hitch of it all was simple: If he chose the relationship, he had to break all ties with me. Needless to say, when he told me he had to give it a shot with her and he was saying sayonara to me, I told him quite plainly, "You'll regret this down the road." It wasn't meant as a threat. I just knew it to be true. She wasn't a keeper.
Cut to a year later and who should be calling me right and left but DXB. It was then much as it is now--predictable. Like clockwork, I could predict when the calls would come. Because I'm not one to shatter relationships, I let months go by without picking up or returning a call--until the day when an unfortunate incident occurred for him and it was only appropriate to speak.
And then it just sort of happened. He broke up with the girl (not because of me), and one would think we would go back to exploring a friendship--the one that was only abandoned for a year. But no. He didn't know how to take back the decision he made, and I didn't think it was my place to correct his mess.
Instead, what we have now is this odd little relationship full of amazing complexities. Many times we have great long talks and amazing nights out. Of course there is still a connection on countless levels. Other times, he is frustratingly awkward, as though he has no idea what to say to me; as though he was never my friend. What is especially maddening is the fact that we are both notorious for having stellar friendships with our ex's. So where's the trouble here?
Last night DXB called--with absolutely nothing to say. If he was in front of me, I would've shaken him. I have come to the point where it just feels as though something, regardless of how flip, needs to be said. Something along the lines of, "You're not bound to that 'promise' you made to that girl anymore. You know that, right?"
I know him. Over a decade of knowing him makes him an easy read for me. He's afraid of something (maybe more than one something), but exactly what remains elusive to me.
I'm not really sure why this matters so much to me, but it does. We are not good as committed partners, but as friends? We were pretty great a good portion of the time. I can count far more good times than bad together, and I know he agrees. So. This could be my new project: a situation to resolve. It feels as though something needs to be done. And he would rather have years of ridiculous awkwardness than be the one to go out on the limb and make the first step towards clearing the air.
Always a woman's work, I tell ya. The fixer of all wrongs.
Right. For the first two months of singledom from each other. Until his rebound relationship insisted he choose a friendship with me or dating her. To his credit, he thought on it. He even presented the issue to me; laid it out there complete with pros and cons. The hitch of it all was simple: If he chose the relationship, he had to break all ties with me. Needless to say, when he told me he had to give it a shot with her and he was saying sayonara to me, I told him quite plainly, "You'll regret this down the road." It wasn't meant as a threat. I just knew it to be true. She wasn't a keeper.
Cut to a year later and who should be calling me right and left but DXB. It was then much as it is now--predictable. Like clockwork, I could predict when the calls would come. Because I'm not one to shatter relationships, I let months go by without picking up or returning a call--until the day when an unfortunate incident occurred for him and it was only appropriate to speak.
And then it just sort of happened. He broke up with the girl (not because of me), and one would think we would go back to exploring a friendship--the one that was only abandoned for a year. But no. He didn't know how to take back the decision he made, and I didn't think it was my place to correct his mess.
Instead, what we have now is this odd little relationship full of amazing complexities. Many times we have great long talks and amazing nights out. Of course there is still a connection on countless levels. Other times, he is frustratingly awkward, as though he has no idea what to say to me; as though he was never my friend. What is especially maddening is the fact that we are both notorious for having stellar friendships with our ex's. So where's the trouble here?
Last night DXB called--with absolutely nothing to say. If he was in front of me, I would've shaken him. I have come to the point where it just feels as though something, regardless of how flip, needs to be said. Something along the lines of, "You're not bound to that 'promise' you made to that girl anymore. You know that, right?"
I know him. Over a decade of knowing him makes him an easy read for me. He's afraid of something (maybe more than one something), but exactly what remains elusive to me.
I'm not really sure why this matters so much to me, but it does. We are not good as committed partners, but as friends? We were pretty great a good portion of the time. I can count far more good times than bad together, and I know he agrees. So. This could be my new project: a situation to resolve. It feels as though something needs to be done. And he would rather have years of ridiculous awkwardness than be the one to go out on the limb and make the first step towards clearing the air.
Always a woman's work, I tell ya. The fixer of all wrongs.
