I'm Not Your Mom

The past two weeks or so, an important ex-flame, the ever-present DXB, and two crushes crawled out of the woodwork. Though surely just a fluke (god, I hope so), it's given me the opportunity to reflect on why I haven't had much luck as of late in finding a good, relatively normal, very decent man with whom I can spend a bit of priceless quality time.

And I think I found my answer. It can be summed up so easily: The men I tend to date- many of them- have mother issues. They either have controlling moms or needy moms or moms that were never a part of their lives. Moms who love me too much or- more often than not- moms who think I am a bad influence on their baby (man, how is that possible? They don't even know their own son...). They either want to rebel against their mom, or make their mom very happy. Essentially, I am either the punishment or the prize.

In turn, these well-meaning, good-intentioned men (for all intents and purposes) have a little too much of their moms in them. Whether it's passive-aggressive behavior, too verbose conversations, general game-playing of an ilk with which I am not even familiar (but which is often associated with my gender), running from the slightest hint of commitment or running towards it full steam ahead, over-analyzing every god forsaken conversation or action, or- yes, I am really going to go there- cuddling far too much (please, please, please give me my personal space when I am sleeping!)...I want to scream, ""I'M the woman in this relationship. Man up!"

And there you have it. My problem. I can bend, but not that far. I don't want to be especially maternal to an adult man. I am not the Mom here. I am the one who your mother loves too much or not enough. I am the one that is judged by moms. I am not the one with whom you should displace anger or angst. I am not the one to punish you for years of bad behavior towards the woman who gave birth to you or the one you use to punish her for years of overbearing behavior. Your mother has no place in our relationship. Not until you put a ring on my finger and she is now my cross to bear as well.

And this is one of the big-big reasons I am perpetually single. A momma's boy in a tough boy's skin... A manly man whose mother emotionally broke him... An apathetic, emotionally starved guy... The men who are drawn to me are broken. They require something they think I have to fix them. Or that maybe by dating me they will become automatically whole again. I don't know why they are under this incredibly incorrect assumption, but they are. I'm good, but I'm not that good.

No one is perfect. We all come with some baggage. Just not as much as the yahoos that like me. I'm fairly convinced all of the good, relatively normal, I-have-problems-but-can-deal-with-them-just-fine-because-they're-ones-we-all-have-and-it's-not-all-my-mom's-fault-and-you-don't-need-to-replace/fix/be-her men are taken. Or complaining about women with father issues. That's possible, too. Maybe we all need to make concessions...or just trudge on, confident there are many more someones out there for us.