11 Years Makes a Difference
Dear Adam:
Please accept my apology for being so antisocial this evening. It really is so very unlike me. It's just...well...it's been 11 years, and though I have thought about you on occasion I really had no idea what to do when faced with...you...sitting a few seats away in tonight's focus group.
(By the way, didn't that TV show just suck? I sincerely hope I single-handedly kept it from ever appearing on network TV.)
I know I caught your eye, and I know you recognized me. Neither of us have changed that much (by the way, you're looking well). The proctor lady was Eastern European mean (you know what I mean) so I didn't want to get in trouble by drawing attention to us. And when we were allowed to leave, the mad dash to the door by everyone else in the room completely separated me from you. I really was going to stop and talk to you.
It seems as though you knew the guy sitting in front of us. You appeared deep in conversation with him, and when they paid me before you and I was swept into the elevator, there was just no time to jump out and loiter around hoping to make small talk with you. And then when you were just paces in back of me (with that friend of yours again) as I was hailing my cab, I noticed you noticing me.
Anyway, I really just wanted to let you know that I wanted to say hi. I wanted to ask how you've been and find out what you have been up to and chat about all of the people we were mutual friends with (yes, I know Jon and Kristen are married and that is just stunning to me to this very day). I wanted to reconnect. I have no excuse for not doing so except to say...I got shy. Yes, I know, that soooo isn't me. And that's why it was weird.
I mean, can you blame me? I was thinking how awesome it would be to reconnect, and then I started thinking, "My God, MoC, it's been eleven freaking years. Eleven! A lot happens in over a decade. We didn't keep in touch for over a decade; do we even have anything to say to each other besides the nod and smile I gave you?"
And though I'm sure there is, I was freaked out by the thought that someone who once spent countless weekends with me, was a part of my life in varying degrees for four years, and who road tripped with me to U of I more than once and always happily...that that person would look at me and realize that I am not that same girl. And the thought of you seeing who I am now and maybe not liking that girl nearly as much killed me. And the thought that we let 11 years go by like a snap of a finger is inexcusable. And the idea that we may have absolutely nothing to say to each other devastated me.
So really, it's not that I didn't recognize you or want to run up and hug you and pretend as though this sea of time wasn't swimming between us. It's just that I found too many easy excuses and you obviously did, too, and maybe that made things more interesting. Because I can write this letter, and I know you were telling your friend, 'That's my friend MoC from MU' and we each obtained a story from the evening.
Oh! And it's great you're back from Milwaukee. Maybe we'll run into each other some time soon. I promise to say hi next time.
Always, MoC
Please accept my apology for being so antisocial this evening. It really is so very unlike me. It's just...well...it's been 11 years, and though I have thought about you on occasion I really had no idea what to do when faced with...you...sitting a few seats away in tonight's focus group.
(By the way, didn't that TV show just suck? I sincerely hope I single-handedly kept it from ever appearing on network TV.)
I know I caught your eye, and I know you recognized me. Neither of us have changed that much (by the way, you're looking well). The proctor lady was Eastern European mean (you know what I mean) so I didn't want to get in trouble by drawing attention to us. And when we were allowed to leave, the mad dash to the door by everyone else in the room completely separated me from you. I really was going to stop and talk to you.
It seems as though you knew the guy sitting in front of us. You appeared deep in conversation with him, and when they paid me before you and I was swept into the elevator, there was just no time to jump out and loiter around hoping to make small talk with you. And then when you were just paces in back of me (with that friend of yours again) as I was hailing my cab, I noticed you noticing me.
Anyway, I really just wanted to let you know that I wanted to say hi. I wanted to ask how you've been and find out what you have been up to and chat about all of the people we were mutual friends with (yes, I know Jon and Kristen are married and that is just stunning to me to this very day). I wanted to reconnect. I have no excuse for not doing so except to say...I got shy. Yes, I know, that soooo isn't me. And that's why it was weird.
I mean, can you blame me? I was thinking how awesome it would be to reconnect, and then I started thinking, "My God, MoC, it's been eleven freaking years. Eleven! A lot happens in over a decade. We didn't keep in touch for over a decade; do we even have anything to say to each other besides the nod and smile I gave you?"
And though I'm sure there is, I was freaked out by the thought that someone who once spent countless weekends with me, was a part of my life in varying degrees for four years, and who road tripped with me to U of I more than once and always happily...that that person would look at me and realize that I am not that same girl. And the thought of you seeing who I am now and maybe not liking that girl nearly as much killed me. And the thought that we let 11 years go by like a snap of a finger is inexcusable. And the idea that we may have absolutely nothing to say to each other devastated me.
So really, it's not that I didn't recognize you or want to run up and hug you and pretend as though this sea of time wasn't swimming between us. It's just that I found too many easy excuses and you obviously did, too, and maybe that made things more interesting. Because I can write this letter, and I know you were telling your friend, 'That's my friend MoC from MU' and we each obtained a story from the evening.
Oh! And it's great you're back from Milwaukee. Maybe we'll run into each other some time soon. I promise to say hi next time.
Always, MoC
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