Therapy for the Wicked
I have this "special quality." Ex's I retain on any level of friendship tend to come to me in lieu of seeing a therapist. I've had two psychology classes in my entire life, so I can attest to the fact that I am the last person to whom they should spill their guts and ask for advice on their mental status.
Last night I received another late night call from DXB. (If you think it's beginning to sound routine, walk a mile in my shoes...) This one was all about wallowing in self-pity. He was glum and not-so-happy even though I had seen him just hours before and he was happy-happy; this was not the voice of a remotely content man.
We went through a small dance of why he could be so glum and then it was thrown out there: He was depressed. It was over some girl he's been broken up with for four months. He "loved" her (and I put that in quotes because I don't think he knows what love is). He was dumped "brutally." (Yeah, when people break up, they tend to move on and that means losing the other's number) Woe is him.
If I sound apathetic or uncaring, you misunderstand. It's just he's such a woman over these things. I truly believe he thinks everything is like a romantic comedy. There will be a happy, funny ending where they bump into each other on the street and good stuff happens and all is resolved and they stroll off into the sunset and the credits roll. The fact that he's having trouble separating fantasy from reality is something else he should explore with a true professional. Despite the fact that I was rolling my eyes at all of this, I let him talk. And talk. And talk. I was thinking, "DXB, dammit, terse it up, why dont'cha?"
Once the flood gates opened, they couldn't be closed and I was thinking to myself, "Stupid, stupid, stooopid, MoC! Why the hell did you pretend you were interested? Now he'll never get off the damn phone and it's 2:30 in the freaking morning!"
On and on it went...The "possible excuses" for why they broke up. And really, at this point, do you think I'm caring? I used to date him. I can think of any number of "possible excuses" why she fled. In fact, I was prepared to jump in with several he failed to cover (note to self: write those down and email them to him for future reference). But the words kept coming, rapid fire out of his mouth. How he didn't have closure. How he didn't have the slightest clue why it ended (I never believe that one from anyone). At one point I had to stop him and say, "You know, maybe you need to talk to a professional about this," but then felt bad because the story wasn't that juicy and I would feel awful for sending him to some nice doctor who would now have to hear the whole sad, verbose thing on his/her own.
What I wanted to say was just too mean, and I just couldn't think of a way to be honest and clear without causing hurt. So I didn't. But it seems important and it should be said, in some variation, down the road. Something to the effect of: "You're not an especially kind person, DXB. You're full of flaws, just like the next person, yet yours are exacerbated by the blinders you wear and the self-love that flows like blood through your veins. You are short-sighted and heartless some of the time. Every good, wonderful thing about you is countered with a terrible hidden piece of you that comes out after you've closed the deal. You're a self-centered jerk, and quite possibly the most infuriating person that walks the face of the Earth. You're ambition-less and lazy and you think you can get away with it because you're intelligent and semi-witty when you want to be." Of course, I could keep going, but it's not worth thinking about because I'm sure other people think it, too, and there's no nice way to sugar-coat that turd of information. Just no way.
So...words, words, words...wanna get together?
WHAT?!?
I swear, DXB tried to turn his pity party into a booty call. Oh no he di'nt!
And that's when the final straw broke. When the Happy Holidays and Be Good and Drive Safely was thrown out. When I decided I should start charging him for his after-hour therapy sessions. When I determined that my time is too precious, regardless of the time of day or night, to deal with his emotional vampirism. And, when I decided that it must really suck to be him. To come to the point where you're spilling your guts out to your ex-girlfriend partly because you think you can get just one more, possibly new perspective, one more person to care; and, partly because you're hoping to get laid. Sad.
Sadder still, I wasn't that shocked or disgusted or disappointed with his proposition. It was just another cry for help or attention or both.
And as bad as I feel for him, he's a mid-30's man who has been through several relationships- big and small- in his life and he needs to grow-up and reflect internally; take stock of himself to determine the true root of his issues. And stop pining over someone who left his life. Only then can he truly move on. But, I'm not a professional therapist...
Last night I received another late night call from DXB. (If you think it's beginning to sound routine, walk a mile in my shoes...) This one was all about wallowing in self-pity. He was glum and not-so-happy even though I had seen him just hours before and he was happy-happy; this was not the voice of a remotely content man.
We went through a small dance of why he could be so glum and then it was thrown out there: He was depressed. It was over some girl he's been broken up with for four months. He "loved" her (and I put that in quotes because I don't think he knows what love is). He was dumped "brutally." (Yeah, when people break up, they tend to move on and that means losing the other's number) Woe is him.
If I sound apathetic or uncaring, you misunderstand. It's just he's such a woman over these things. I truly believe he thinks everything is like a romantic comedy. There will be a happy, funny ending where they bump into each other on the street and good stuff happens and all is resolved and they stroll off into the sunset and the credits roll. The fact that he's having trouble separating fantasy from reality is something else he should explore with a true professional. Despite the fact that I was rolling my eyes at all of this, I let him talk. And talk. And talk. I was thinking, "DXB, dammit, terse it up, why dont'cha?"
Once the flood gates opened, they couldn't be closed and I was thinking to myself, "Stupid, stupid, stooopid, MoC! Why the hell did you pretend you were interested? Now he'll never get off the damn phone and it's 2:30 in the freaking morning!"
On and on it went...The "possible excuses" for why they broke up. And really, at this point, do you think I'm caring? I used to date him. I can think of any number of "possible excuses" why she fled. In fact, I was prepared to jump in with several he failed to cover (note to self: write those down and email them to him for future reference). But the words kept coming, rapid fire out of his mouth. How he didn't have closure. How he didn't have the slightest clue why it ended (I never believe that one from anyone). At one point I had to stop him and say, "You know, maybe you need to talk to a professional about this," but then felt bad because the story wasn't that juicy and I would feel awful for sending him to some nice doctor who would now have to hear the whole sad, verbose thing on his/her own.
What I wanted to say was just too mean, and I just couldn't think of a way to be honest and clear without causing hurt. So I didn't. But it seems important and it should be said, in some variation, down the road. Something to the effect of: "You're not an especially kind person, DXB. You're full of flaws, just like the next person, yet yours are exacerbated by the blinders you wear and the self-love that flows like blood through your veins. You are short-sighted and heartless some of the time. Every good, wonderful thing about you is countered with a terrible hidden piece of you that comes out after you've closed the deal. You're a self-centered jerk, and quite possibly the most infuriating person that walks the face of the Earth. You're ambition-less and lazy and you think you can get away with it because you're intelligent and semi-witty when you want to be." Of course, I could keep going, but it's not worth thinking about because I'm sure other people think it, too, and there's no nice way to sugar-coat that turd of information. Just no way.
So...words, words, words...wanna get together?
WHAT?!?
I swear, DXB tried to turn his pity party into a booty call. Oh no he di'nt!
And that's when the final straw broke. When the Happy Holidays and Be Good and Drive Safely was thrown out. When I decided I should start charging him for his after-hour therapy sessions. When I determined that my time is too precious, regardless of the time of day or night, to deal with his emotional vampirism. And, when I decided that it must really suck to be him. To come to the point where you're spilling your guts out to your ex-girlfriend partly because you think you can get just one more, possibly new perspective, one more person to care; and, partly because you're hoping to get laid. Sad.
Sadder still, I wasn't that shocked or disgusted or disappointed with his proposition. It was just another cry for help or attention or both.
And as bad as I feel for him, he's a mid-30's man who has been through several relationships- big and small- in his life and he needs to grow-up and reflect internally; take stock of himself to determine the true root of his issues. And stop pining over someone who left his life. Only then can he truly move on. But, I'm not a professional therapist...
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